Friends Forever?
by wonderkid
Summary: On Hiatus
1. Awakening

So, after watching the Teen Titans Seasons 1-2 DVDS that my dad bought me when I was ten religiously for the last two weeks, I decided I wanted to write some fiction. Robin and Beast Boy fiction ;D Enjoy, laddies and lovies.

--- James :3

* * *

I awake with a start, jolting up with labored breathing. My gasps draw in shakily, coming out in heavy, short tuffs that soon turn into intense coughs and muffled groans. The only thing I can think of is how I'm being violently choked, strangled, but I feel no one's hands around my neck besides my own. Surely, someone has their hands down my throat, grabbing at me, scratching wounds into my flesh. Before I can come up with another logical explanation as oxygen is deprived from me, I feel someone's hands on me, pushing me down. I struggle, twisting about as I'm choked, but the strength on the other end of the force is too strong. I feel my arms shrink against the weight and my body give out against something soft. A bed, maybe?

Whoever pushed me begins pressing numerous buttons, flicking several switches. I can hear the response of the machines the levers controlled, but my vision is lacking. I'm not blind, that's for sure, but its as if someone has fixed a storm cloud in front of my eyes, shielding almost everything from sight. I can only make out thin outlines and shades of brightness. Where ever I am, its blinding. Light reflects off whoever is in front of me, and their outline is rather large, masculine. When they speak, my body goes numb, my heart grows cold. Its a voice I haven't heard in what feels like forever, what could possibly have been forever.

"Man, you gotta stop fidgeting," he orders, holding me down. I'm deathly still as his voice rings in my ears, aside from the subtle shakes my body gives off as the chocking ensued. "On the count of three, take a deep breath, alright? One... two..."

I do as I am told, feeling obligated to listen to Cyborg, and on three, twitch as something thin and smooth rushes out of my throat, of my mouth. I hack and cough at the feeling, sensations of pain scratching at the back of my throat. It occurs to me that what was choking me had been a tube, one for medical purposes. I try to remember why I would need to have one, but I realize suddenly... I don't remember anything.

I hear Cyborg shout something, but coherency has left me momentarily, and I can't understand who or what he is yelling for, but it sounds stern. I try to remember how to breath properly: in then out, in then out. Something tells me I haven't done this on my own in a while, but for how long, I am uncertain.

To my relief, my vision slowly clears, and I can further make out colors and faces. Without doubt, I know it's Cyborg in front of me, several monitors and machines giving off beeps and ticks behind him. A heart rate machine, blood pressure... they're all displayed on bright screens. I figure the machines are hooked up to me, and it only further frightens me, so I turn my head away. Looking to my right, I can see two people rushing into the room, horrified looks on their faces, like they are expecting something bad. It takes me a moment to realize who they are. They look so familiar but I just can't remember.

"Robin? Robin, are you alright?" Starfire demands, her voice bringing back vague memories of her identity, "Cyborg, what is wrong with him? Is he dying?"

"Calm down, Star," Cyborg says, giving her a scolding look, "Everything is fine, he's just waking up."

She doesn't seem satisfied, but Starfire shrinks back with a nod, all the while, her eyes fixated on me. Raven steps forward, her gaze looking over monitor after monitor, a frustrated look on her face.

"After all this time... why is he just now regaining consciousness?" she asks, folding her hood down onto her shoulders. I don't exactly remember what she looked like before now, but I know something is different. She looked older, more stressed. They all do. They look like something had been missing.

Cyborg shrugs before proceeding to pull back the sheet that draped across me, and wraps his hand around my leg, lifting it up. With one fluid motion, I shake as a robotic finger taps underneath my knee, sending my lower leg flying. "His reflexes seem intact," he notes. Before I know anything different, I feel Cyborg lift up my eyelid and shine a light into my eye, leaving spots on my vision. "Other than a little cloudiness and disorientation, his vision seems fine, too."

With a smile, he steps back, and the three of them surround my bed, "Can you hear us okay, Robin?" Cyborg asks, and after a delayed time, I nod. What happened to me? Why am I here? And most of all, why do my friends act like I'd been gone?

"You should probably get B," Cyborg tells the two girls with a stern look, "He'll want to see that he's alright."

That's when it occurs to me that I am lacking on friend. Beast Boy... where is he? Why isn't he with the rest of our friends? I see Starfire's red veil of hair wisp behind her as she flees for Beast Boy, but I can't stay awake long enough to appreciate his arrival. I fall back into my slumber, and remain unstirred.

It isn't until a while later that I finally wake up again, greeted by the obnoxious beeping of monitors and the blinding lights above me. I'm aware enough of my surroundings that I can piece together where I am: the medical chamber. Though, I can't quite figure why I'm here. The last thing I remember before waking up to the choking sensation is a violent battle, one that I'm sure I was losing. It was against the sole villain that constantly poses a challenge to me, one that—just when I think I have him—always seems to slip right between my fingers...

"Robin, you are awake, yes?!"

Well, I think, I was half-awake before, but I'm wide awake now. Starfire stands at the foot of my bed, hands clasped at her chest, her slim figure bouncing in place. She's happy to see me awake, and part of me is happy to see her there. Raven stands from her seat against the wall, as does Cyborg, each of them taking their places at different machines, checking this and that. Something about them looks more relieved from before, but not by much. Something is still on their minds.

I don't notice it right away, but as I analyze the room, I see a dark boot follow a body out of the chamber, and something inside me aches. I force it down, however, as Starfire rushes to my side.

"Oh, glorious! You have finally awoken from your slumber! Tell me, Robin, how do you feel?"

How do I feel? Like I'd been kicked in the face a hundred and five times by a psychotic kangaroo. But, I can't really tell her that, now can I?

"I... feel fine, tired though." I run a hand through my hair and cringe at the feeling. If I've only been out a few days, why does my hair feel like it hasn't been washed in ages?

Raven grabs a bottle of aspirin from somewhere out of my eyesight and holds out three or four pills. I take them and dry swallow them, thinking that a large glass of water would be nice.

"You're going to experience subtle hints of pain for the next few days," she says, setting the bottle of pills on a tray next to me, "so pain killers will be essential."

I simply nod, too exhausted to argue.

"What... what happened? Did you guys defeat Slade?"

The question makes their faces sink, as well as my stomach. I don't want to think about what happened.

Cyborg sighs, and doesn't make eye contact with me. "We... didn't catch him, Robin. We were too busy trying to get you back here before you lost too much blood."

Blood? It couldn't have been that bad. The worst Slade had ever done to me was break a couple of ribs, and that only took a few weeks to recover from.

"But... why didn't you just leave me there? You should have just gone after Slade."

My anger's growing, I can feel it. Natural leader instincts, really. The need to win, to catch Slade. If I was so close, why didn't the rest of them just finish the job?

"We could not just leave you there in such a terrible condition! If we had..." Starfire begins to tear up as she turns her head away. She's always been a rather over-emotional individual, but something screams out at me. Something says whatever happened to me back there with Slade was bad...

"Starfire is right," Raven speaks up, stepping closer to the bed, "If we'd have left you to chase Slade, by the time we got back to you, you'd have undoubtedly been dead."

My friends' expressions suddenly look forlorn and anxious, like they're leaving out a detail and are just waiting for me to ask. My nerves are shot, and I'm becoming just as anxious and paranoid as they look.

"What happened?" I demand in a small voice. I can't make it much louder.

They exchange timid looks. Heat flares inside me.

"Do you not remember anything... at all?" Starfire asks softly, and I shake my head.

"..." Cyborg finally looks at me, his eyes meeting mine in a way that scares me. He's never this down, and it's a shock to see him like this for the first time in the five years we've shared a team. "You were fighting Slade, the usual one on one that typically leads nowhere. The rest of us were on our way to help you, but you were clear on the other side of town, so it was taking us time. From what we pieced together, Slade hid a bomb that you looked over, and when the time was convenient, and you were close enough..."

"The bomb went off," Raven finished, staring at me intently. "It knocked you unconscious. For how long, we had no way of knowing. But when we got to you, you were losing blood, fast."

"You were cut so badly, Robin. We thought that at first... you were already dead."

I can see the tears on Starfire's cheeks, and I just want to wipe them away. I can't imagine how hard all of this must be on her, on all of the Titan's. I'm suddenly angry with myself of being so clumsy, so neglectful of my surroundings.

"You slipped into a coma," Cyborg says, peeking behind him to check my stats, "We put you on life-support. At a point, we thought of taking you off..."

"But you are strong, Robin! We could never, ever take away life from you!" Starfire's eyes glow bright, anger flowing through her. I don't want to think that the Titan's had tried to convince each other to take my off life-support, but it's not as surprising as it should be. Starfire's yells and threats were probably the only things that kept them from doing such.

I blink a couple times, take a couple breaths. It's a lot to take in at a time, but I can handle it. At least, I think I can.

"How long have I been... here?"

My friends share looks again before the three of them look at me sadly and say together, "Six months.


	2. Inner Workings

So, two whole chapters? I feel so committed! :D A little more Beast Boy in this one. A lot more in the next chapter. Where's the yaoi, you ask? Keep it in your pants, junior, I'm working on it.

--- James ;D

* * *

It's his third day awake and I still can't look him in the eye. After six months of doing nothing but looking at him, you'd think I could handle a little eye contact, but the truth is, I can't.

He slowly gets back in the routine of things. He warms up to the others like he hasn't been gone at all. But he's not as social with me, mostly because I won't let him be.

I stay away most times. I see him walk into a room, and I instantly make an excuse to leave. Exhaustion, video games, cleaning. When I mention cleaning, I can tell it freaks him out.

Today is just the same as the last two: when I see the doors of the main room fly open, and his slim, broken figure drag through, I can't get out of there soon enough.

"I think I'm just going to go for a walk," I say, getting up from my spot on the couch, and heading for another door. I feel four sets of Titan eyes on me, three of them not as surprised as the fourth.

"But, Beast Boy, breakfast is almost ready. It is your favorite..."

"I'll be back later, Star," I reassure her with a smile, though, I don't really know how soon I'll be rushing back to the tower, "I promise."

.....

The door closes behind Beast Boy, and for a few seconds, I can't move. Since I woke up, he'd been avoiding me, or at least, that's how it seemed. If I walked into a room, he would leave it. If someone brought me up in conversation, he would change the topic. It scares me, thinking Beast Boy may not be the same, and it may be my fault.

I head over to the counter and take a seat there, giving Star a small good morning smile. She returns the gesture half-heartedly, and returns to mixing waffle batter.

"So, Beast Boy skipping out on breakfast," I muse, "that's a first."

Cyborg pauses his game and turns towards me from where he sits on the couch, a frown on his face. "For you, maybe, but for the rest of us, it's become routine for him. The little guy is nothin' but skin and bones now."

"Yes," I hear Starfire add, pulling black muffins out of the oven, "He has also been very... distant lately, almost as if he wishes to speak to none of us. It's truly quite upsetting."

I'm confused, and they all can tell. This wasn't typical Beast Boy behavior. Usually, he was all over the place, cracking jokes, getting under everyone's skin. Not that it was a bad thing; a good dose of Beast Boy here and there wasn't so bad. I'll give it to him that he knows how to lighten the mood, or he used to.

"But, what could possibly have made him act that way?"

My friends stare at me like I'm oblivious, like maybe I have more brain damage than they expected, which I wouldn't rule out right away.

"Robin, you've been unconscious for six months. Beast Boy, along with the rest of us, were sure you wouldn't pull through." Raven closes her damaged, flimsy-spined book over her finger, marking her place. "Imagine what you would feel like if you were in our shoes, and you might have lost one of us."

Well, when she puts it like that...

Starfire blows on her scorched fingertips, and lends me a somber expression. "It has been a troublesome time without you here, Robin. We have all had our own struggles with your absence."

"But I'm fine now. Everything can go back to normal."

Cyborg shakes his head, "Not sure normal is the word, man," he says, and turns back to his Gamestation, resuming his game. His blue and silver car races on a track, but not with the green and violet car beside it, like I'm used to. Maybe things really have changed.

Silence radiated between all of us for what felt like forever before Starfire clears her throat and holds out the tray of rock-hard, onyx bread. "Could I interest you in a breakfast muffin, Robin?"

I don't want to be rude, but I'm not hungry, and I'm not sure eating Starfire's cooking would be a good example of 'recovery food'. Thankfully, before I can respond, Cyborg's game flashes off the screen and is replaced by a rapidly-blinking red alarm, 'RED ALERT' reading across the screen.

Cyborg checks the monitors below the screen and frowns, "Well, Titans, we've got a kitten to de-claw."

My guess is as good as anyone's, but when I see Starfire's eyes flare in anger, I piece together the problem.

Kitten.

"We might want to bring some bug spray while we're at it," Raven sneers in her monotone, looking over Cyborg's shoulder.

Kitten _and_ Fang. What a wonderful way to wake up from a half-year's nap.

"We'll have to find BB on the way." Cyborg nods to the girls and heads for the door, "Titans, go!"

I stand up as quickly as my tired limbs will let me, trying to think of how I'm supposed fight off a Robin-hungry teenage girl, and a giant spider all at the same time. Sure, I haven't moved in forever, but I'm sure I can handle it.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I stop in my tracks as Raven gives me a stern look. Did they really expect me to stay behind?

"Look, guys, I can handle it. It's just Kitten and her oversized bug of a boyfriend."

"Yeah, but with you're condition, you can hardly make it from one floor of the Tower to another. You're not ready for battle yet, Robin," Cyborg says, with that 'final' tone. Looks like someone's comfortably taken the lead since I've been gone. "We don't want you getting hurt."

I could argue with them, disagree and keep them behind until they agreed to let me go. But that wouldn't solve anything, so I just sigh and nod, limping my way over to the couch as they flee the Tower to kick ass without me.

.....

So, maybe I didn't exactly go on a _walk_. The roof is just as good as any old street, really. It gives me the same ability to sort my problems out, just with less pedestrians and distractions. I think about what I'm supposed to do, now that he's awake. I can't look at him the same. Hell, I practically can't look at him at all, let alone in any sort of way that I did before the accident.

I take security in the fact that he probably doesn't remember half the things I said to him while he was conked out, but at the same time, it makes me wish he knew. I wish he knew how afraid I was of losing him, how I lost I was without him leading me. I didn't know I depended so much on Robin until I couldn't depend on him at all.

I see the way he looks at Starfire. I saw how he looked at her before now, before he almost got blown to bits, but now its even more bothersome. Because back then, I wasn't as... I refuse to admit I'm jealous. Not of Starfire, and not over Robin. Its simply impossible. I mean, when exactly did I get over Terra? I can't remember when, but clearly I have, since the only person in my head most of the time is stupid Grayson.

I hate Slade for a number of reasons: for being so mysterious and hard to catch, for taking Terra, for just being an all around pain in the butt. But this tops all those reasons. He tried to kill Robin. Eventually, I'll give him a taste of his own sick, disgusting medicine.

My attention is grasped when I hear feet land quietly behind me, Raven's robe flowing and flapping in the wind.

"There's trouble Downtown," she says, "I'd ask you if you're coming, but you don't really have a choice this time."

She's right, I nod. "Yeah, no choice," I mutter. She stares at me for a long moment then turns her back and takes off, leaving me to catch up.

In second, I feel wind under my wings, as I follow her. Flight used to seem like such a cool thing. Shape-shifting in general seemed pretty wicked to me forever ago, but now... nothing seemed as exciting as it used to be.

* * *

I have actually found that writing for Beast Boy is kind of difficult, considering he's not usually this angst-y XD Anyway, hope everyone likes it. Reviews? Yeah, they're like crack for me, kids 3


	3. Too Easy

Short chapter, loves. But I'll make up for it next chapter, I promise ;D

--- James.

* * *

It's not that I don't just -love- kicking bad guy butt for a living. Honestly, it's not a bad way to spend your time. Helping the community and saving lives? It's what I live for. But in the recent months, battles with bad guys seems like a chore more than an anything else. Battle has been harder lately, and it takes twice as long. Who would figure that only one missing Titan would cause such a problem?

I really shouldn't pin the blame on him, because really, it's not his fault. It's not anyone's other than Slade, but the fact still remains that the Teen Titans aren't as notorious for winning fights and locking away psychos as they were before the incident. Villains take advantage of us now. We're not as much of a threat as before. Sure, we can still pack a punch, but the after affect isn't as heroic and glorious as it was before. Villains are always coming back at us with new tactics.

For late August, it's surprisingly colder than I would have expected, though I'm not sure the other Titans notice. It may just be me. Starfire and Raven fly ahead of me, while I spot the T-Car flying down city streets below. No R-cycle with a spikey-haired Boy Wonder anywhere in sight.

It's not hard to find a guy with a giant spider for head, and when we do, he's doing what we always find him doing: stealing jewelry for his precious Kitten. Petty crimes like these are nothing more than annoying and time-consuming.

My feet hit the pavement, and sigh in what is anything but anticipation, "We really have to do this again? Don't think you have enough stolen goodies in your cat condo?"

Kitten whips around from where she stands at the store window, picking out shining jewels and gems. Her face is surprised, like she wasn't expecting us.

"Fang! You said they wouldn't come!" she yells into the store. Her arachnid boyfriend emerges from the loud building, alarms blaring. "You said they were cowards!"

"Cowards?" Cyborg slams the door to the T-Car, "Titans aren't cowards!"

"Oh, really?" Fang hands Kitten pearl necklace after pearl necklace, her eyes lighting up like a kid receiving candy. I guess in way, it's basically the same. "Word is your leader got bonked on the head just a little too hard, and now, committing crime is like taking candy from a baby."

Above me, I see Starfire's eyes flare like mad, starbolts lighting up at the end of her fingers, "We are -not- cowards! We are here to stop thieves like you!"

Fang simply scoffs and reaches for something in his pocket. Instantly, everyone reacts: Cyborg aims his cannon, Raven glares and readies herself to release her spells, and Starfire's starbolts intensify.

From his pocket, Fang pulls out an odd-looking gun and points it at me, the only one unprepared. Quickly, I do the first thing that I can think of and fly into the air, not even sure what type of avian I am, but it got my out of the way just in time. A static ray of violet-red shoots from the gun, just barely clipping my wings. Three or four feathers fly to the ground.

I hear the three legendary words leave Raven's lips, and suddenly, the gun is out of Fang's possession, floating in the air. A sonic blast mixed with violent starbolts flood through the air, hitting a shocked spider-boy, knocking him to the ground. For once, fighting a bad guy seems easier than usual. Almost too easy.

"Fang!" Kitten dives to the ground, shielding her boy-toy protectively, "Don't touch him!"

My feet hit the ground, and I sigh. This almost isn't worth the trouble it's caused. Cops pull up in cars with blaring sirens, a transporting van parking behind them. For once, we defeated a 'bad guy' in less than fives minutes. It's almost shocking. It's almost too good to be true.

"So, that was totally weird," I muse aloud, and the other Titans seem to agree.

Starfire plants her feet on the pavement, Raven following her lead. Cyborg lowers his arm, and turns towards us.

"That was a little too easy."

Raven nods, and tightens her hood over her head, "It feels as though we should be waiting for something else."

Kitten yells something absurd as the cops load her and Fang into the transporting van.

"Maybe we should just go back to the Tower," I say, earning nods from my friends. We all seem a little on edge on the way back to our home, with every right. Since the incident, nothing has been that easy. Battles with villains used to take hours on end usually. Having a battle with Fang, who in the past had gotten away several times, last only five minutes was alarming. It put all of us in an uneasy mood, and as we finally reach the Tower, we all go our separate ways.


	4. These Feelings

So, I have more muse for this than I thought I ever would :D I've really surprised myself. Besides my friends, I'm not even sure who's reading this ._. But for the sake of Beast Boy and Robin, the SHOW MUST GO ON! Okay. Calm down o3o I did this chapter in one night, so it might be a little sloppy. But I was just so EAGERRR D:

--- James :3

* * *

_His eyes were bloodshot, full of fear and anticipation. He was running from something, something that terrified him down into his core. As he ran, he looked behind him, seeing the shadow of his fear rearing around the corner, acceleration towards him. Don't let this happen, don't let this happen, he pleaded to himself and continued to run up a flight of stairs. He reached a door and forced it open with all his might, slamming it roughly behind him to create a blockade between himself and his fear. He breathed heavily and took in his surroundings; the roof looked eerie at night, but peaceful at the same time._

_Something caught his eye, and instantly, his heart rate picked up, beating fast. Ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump. This was it, this was the end. What emerged from the darkness frightened him, but not in the way he assumed it would. _

_Before he could think of anything else, arms were around him, skin against skin. It was so warm, like love and confidence, shelter and stability. He thought of how he never wanted to leave these arms. Kisses paraded over his neck, the embrace tightening wonderfully. The lips reached his own, capturing him in a long lock, sending him into heaven. This was what love felt like, this is what happiness felt like. _

_The lips pulled away, and he cried in protest, clinging to the body that held him. In a steel voice, one he could remember even after years and years of separation commanded him, "Look at me, Beast Boy."_

_He couldn't, he just couldn't. It would ruin it all. The image, the happiness, the comfort. It would all go away, but as he was told, he looked up into the face of his lover, bewildered by what he saw. All he could think, the only thought that raced through his mind..._

"Robin." Panting, I sit up in bed, dazed and under a spell. Another dream, added to a list of many. How long can I keep doing this, dreaming of him, and speaking nothing of it? I don't know, and I don't want to bother to find out.

I rip the sheet off myself, slinging my legs over the bed. For a minute, I just sit there, watching my legs dangle over the edge of my bunk-bed, hitting my ankles together subconsciously. I try to think of how many times I've seen him in my dreams, but I realize to my dismay, that I've lost count.

I jump from the bed and pick up the first shirt I see on the floor. It's slate gray, and simple enough for the day. It's Saturday, and as long as it's up to me, I don't plan on going anywhere the entire day, so I don't see the point in suiting up.

As I make my way out into main room, it appears that he had the same thought process. He stands in the kitchen, wearing a simple white v-neck and a pair of faded sweatpants. Have I ever seen him out of his uniform and in other clothes? I haven't.

Cyborg sits on the couch, just finishing up a race, racking in a new high score on the Gamestation. He turns around at the sound of my entrance, and waves a second controller in the air, "Yo, BB! I've been saving you a spot all morning, dude!"

With a smile, I realize I can't turn Cy down and rush over to the couch, hopping over the back and plopping down on the leathery seat. I enter the game and battle begins, as well as the trash-talking. It's good to feel like a kid again, playing Gamestation will Cyborg. To be completely truthful, we haven't had this much fun since the accident, and it's so amazingly refreshing, that it's two o' clock in the afternoon before I ever realize it.

"Man, Beast Boy," Cyborg says, standing up from the couch to ensue in a victory dance, "I'm pretty sure I just beat your butt fifteen games to three!"

Usually, I'd be disheartened, but all I can do now is laugh. Starfire seems to appear out of nowhere behind us, joining in on the laughter, "Oh, Beast Boy! It is so good to see you smiling, friend!"

I realize it quick enough that I can force on a smile, pretending that her comment didn't phase me. But in reality, it made me open my eyes to the fact that this was the first time I'd felt happy in months. In six months.

I peer behind Starfire and catch him watching me with a thoughtful look. Instantly, I avert my gaze, rubbing my eyes to hide the blush on my cheeks with the bottom of my fist. I can't help but wonder if he's worried about me. Since he's been awake, I haven't spoke to him besides small chit chat, and I haven't made eye contact. I wish that could change, but it's just not that easy.

"Robin!" Starfire calls over her shoulder, smiling to the Boy Wonder, "Please, come join us! We wish for you to be joyous with us!"

"Yeah, man," Cyborg throws in happily, "Just because you can't do any heavy lifting doesn't mean you can't waltz your ass over here."

It takes him a minute to decide as we all watch him. I think I'm the only one not staring at him directly. He pushes himself off the counter he's leaning on, the one he's been standing by for the last two hours, and shakes his head with a smile, "No thanks, guys. I'm beat. I think I might just go lie down for a while."

Starfire's ginormous smile shrinks, and Cyborg frowns a little. They are hoping for too much out of him. He's only been awake for just under a week.

"Are you feeling well, Robin? Do you feel faint?" Starfire's demands echo in the quiet room.

Robin simply shakes his head and walks for the door, "No, no. I'm fine. Just tired. I'll be up and about after a few hours of sleep." And just like that, he disappeared into the tower.

I don't know what impulse caused me to want to follow him, but after two minutes of sitting still on the couch, I decided I had better places to be. As I head to his room, supposing that's in fact where he is, the Tower seems quiet, eerie. I can't hear my friends back in the main room, and I wonder if it's because I'm too far away or because the party died down.

I don't even have what I want to say planned out, not even the jist of it. So, it's kind of embarrassing when I knock on Robin's door, and greet him with a blank expression.

I stammer, not knowing what to say. I feel stupid, like a complete bumbling idiot. "Uhm, uh... so, hi." ..._That's_ the best I can come up with?! Fumble over my words for thirty seconds and all I can spit out is hi?

He just stares at me for a moment, his expression surprising me. I expected it to be angry, confused, maybe even a little betrayed. But instead, he looks back at me with a slight sadness in his eyes, wrapped around small, dying hope. Didn't know I could be this deep, did you?

"H-Hi, Robin." I don't look him in the eye, instead, I look at the ground, at our bare feet standing across from each other.

"Six months without Beast Boy..." he mutters, and I can feel his eyes on me, "Once the trouble of dealing with you is gone, you kind of miss it."

Compliment or not, he speaks to me, and that's what matters. Do I dare tell him the truth? Do I dare even utter a single word about what happened while he was out? I'm afraid to, but something pushes me...

"I never left your side."

Silence.

"What?" I can't tell if this was a mistake, but once I start, I can't stop. The words just start pouring out.

"When we brought you home from the scene of the accident, I was beside myself. Watching Cyborg and Raven stick you with all those needles, and shove those tubes down your throat. Starfire couldn't even bear to watch, and ended up leaving. But I stayed. Mostly because I couldn't move..."

I judge his reaction from under my eyelashes, but he's just blank. Not angry, not shocked, so I go on.

"For the first few weeks, we all took shifts watching you, to make sure you were fine. In the beginning, the shifts were three hours long, and we all took turns. Later, we started to leave you alone, just checking the surveillance cameras every now and then, and popping into the chamber every hour to check your vitals. But I would go in and sit with you. For how long... it's started out as just a couple hours at a time, but then, I would sit for longer. Cyborg started to notice and said I wasn't allowed in the chamber more than three hours a day. He even put on security locks to keep me out..."

"Beast Boy..."

"I was worried something would happen to you. I was worried something would happen and no one would be there to fix it. I didn't know what I would do if that happened. It worried me. I started losing sleep, a lot of it. I got put on pills to help, but I never took them. I would just sneak off, pick Cy's locks, and sit with you. Late at night, I would tell you things..."

Robin steps out of his doorway and out into the hall, closing the door behind him. All he can do is stare at me, and I wish I could judge his reaction better. Anger, happiness, sadness, confusion. Any one of them could be on his face, I wouldn't be able to tell.

"Beast Boy... slow down, take a deep breath, just..." he sighs and takes a hold of my shoulders, "breathe."

I take a deep breath and stare him in the eyes, or what I can see of them, and realize...

"I have to go." I shrug Robin's hands of my shoulders and turn my back on him, racing quickly down the hall and around the corner. I head straight to my room and take shelter there. As soon as the door is closed and I'm alone, I crash against the wall and sink to the floor.

I don't like this feeling, I don't like any of these feelings.


	5. Suppression

Does anyone else think I'm spitting out chapters like crazy? I do. But hey, at least you guys aren't having to wait WEEKS upon WEEKS for updates, right? :D Right. Enjoy a little Robin, and a little BB. Also, reviews are great o_o Like, super great.

--- James.

* * *

I feel like an absolute idiot.

You would too, in the event that one of your best friends beat around the bush that he loved you, and you just stood there, doing absolutely nothing about it.

I think I may have made the biggest mistake ever.

What makes me the most upset is that I was so close to wrapping my fingers around Beast Boy, around the concept of why he'd been avoiding me all this time. I was finally finally talking to him, seeing his emotions spread out in front of me. I could have reassured him, promised him that everything would be the same, but I didn't. And now, everything is not the same, and Beast Boy refuses to talk to me. Again.

But, I have enough to think about to keep my time filled. No one has heard from Slade since my little mishap, but I don't think anyone truly believes that Slade is really gone for good. He's just waiting, waiting for a chance to attack, waiting for a chance to take advantage. I imagine he's not too happy that I didn't die like I was supposed to. Instead, his bomb only knocked me out for a good while, but I still got up. I'm still here, and I'm still ready to fight.

The team doesn't let me go much of anywhere, let alone on missions. But recently, they haven't needed me. The incident with Fang and Kitten put them all on an odd setting, like they were just waiting for something else. Sure enough, the day after, Cinderblock started causing problems. Unfortunately, the result was the same: their victory was too easy. Too simple.

It put everyone in a bad mood, and now we're paying the price. No one really speaks to anyone else. I can barely even get Starfire to talk to me. Everyone is on edge, afraid. There's a bigger scheme playing out in front of us than we previously thought, and we're just waiting for it to take action.

…

This is bad. This is all very, very bad. I told Robin everything—well, mostly everything—that I'd been keeping from him for the last two weeks. What's the point of secrecy anymore? The book that I kept so tightly closed is now open, for Robin to look at as much as we wants, for as long as he wants.

How could I have been so stupid? Why did I ever open my mouth? Why did I follow him at all?

I climb into my bed and curl up into myself, biting down on my lips. Maybe that will keep me quiet. The worst part of it all was that I couldn't judge his reaction at all. Then again, maybe he didn't have one at all. How was I to know? I was too busy letting out all my inner secrets.

I jump when I hear a knock at the door, and instantly know it's him. Who else would it be? When I don't rush up right away to answer the door, the knock is repeated.

"Beast Boy..." he says, slowly and softly, "I just want to talk."

I grumble and climb out of the bed, shuffling over to the door. I don't open it, because I don't want to see his face. Honestly, I don't know what to say to him, so I'm not even sure as to why I got up.

"There's nothing to talk about, Robin."

I can't imagine his face, and I don't want to. Is he angry, confused, upset?

"Please, Beast Boy. Just open the door."

His voice sounds hurt, like he feels he's being denied, which in a way, he is. I don't want to deny him, but now just isn't the time. I can't look at him. I can't listen to him. I can't even think about his.

"Go away..."

Surprisingly, I only have to tell him once, because soon I hear his feet shuffling down the hall away from my room. It was easier to shoo him away than I could have ever imagined. And it killed me.

…

Sunset on the roof of the Tower is something I've always treasured. Natural beauty is hard to come by these days, and that's definitely what you get up here. Not to mention, it's an amazing place to think when you need privacy, for whatever reason. Usually, I need privacy because I can't get away from the other Titans, but recently, I want the privacy because I can't control myself over some things. Besides Bruce, no one has ever seen me shed a tear, but up here, I just give way.

I hear the door open across the way, and I pray it isn't him. Let it be anyone besides that green boy that I can't seem to stop thinking about. Anyone but him. Anyone. I can tell by the loud clunk of metal that I've been spared.

"Something's up. You gonna tell me what it is?"

I sigh. Am I really that obvious? "Maybe. I don't really want to talk about it."

"Robin, I'll be the first to tell you that things are different now. But I'll be the first to tell you that they aren't going to get any better if we all work together as a team to patch things back together, man."

Unfortunately, he's right. He's more than right. He hits the nail right on the head.

"Beast Boy had a hard time while you were gone, and—"

"I know, I know." I quickly stop him, not wanting to hear anymore. "He told me."

Cyborg walks up next to me, gazing out at the setting sun with me, and we're silent for a long time.

"It's not my place to tell you this, Robin, but the little guy cares about you more than he lets on to you, to any of us." Cyborg says, looking down at me, "I don't think you should take that too lightly, man."

I nod, "I won't. I really, really won't."

He smiles at me, and I at him. It's moments like this that I live for. Moments with friends. Moments of happiness.

"Now," he says, an even bigger smile coming over his face, "I think you're well enough to go out for pizza!"


	6. Robin's Day Out

Finally, some BB/Robin fluff! Long overdue, I know. But, six chapters isn't SO bad. Gotta have some plot, you frisky smut-lovin' people :| Hope you like it, and I hope you like the next chapter ;D Oh yeah. I'm going THERE. And serious. Reviews make my day.

---James C:

* * *

I suppose sometimes I don't realize how great of friends I have. Friends that would stick their necks out for me in any situation, friends that would protect and promise me anything, friends that would keep me alive. I take it for granted, and I shouldn't. Hopefully, they know how much I appreciate them, and if they don't, eventually I'll show them.

We sit at the pizzeria, and the atmosphere between the five of us seems similar to how it used to be. Starfire's acting like her odd-ball self, Cyborg and Beast Boy are having mini-competitions all over the place, and Raven's sitting back, hoping she doesn't get sucked into the shenanigans around her. For once in six long, weird months, I feel normal. The team feels normal. We feel like a family again.

Beast Boy and I exchange awkward glances back and forth from time to time. I haven't forgotten what happened earlier this afternoon, and clearly, neither has he. Thing is, he probably wants to, but I'm clinging onto his words for dear life. I don't let a single one escape me. I want to hold onto them, and remember them for as long as I can.

It's kind of pathetic, and unlike me, but hey—I haven't been me in a while.

Cyborg and Beast Boy successfully down their fourth pizza, the battle to see who can stomach more food raging on. Starfire sits close to me, our chairs touching. I can't deny, it gives me a funny feeling, and I'm not sure right away how I feel about it.

I know well enough without being told that this whole experience has been hard on her, I mean, it has been for everyone. But her especially. It doesn't take a psycho mastermind to tell that Starfire has feelings for me; that much is obvious. And, for a while, I had feelings for her. It's only natural, right? Aren't I supposed to fall in love with a girl, marry her, and have a family? Just because I'm supposed to doesn't mean I want to.

"So, Robin," Starfire whispers into my ear with a tone I'm not sure I like, "You are... feeling much better?"

I swallow hard and nod, keeping my eyes off her and the hand that's now 'conveniently' placed on my upper thigh. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Beast Boy cock an eyebrow in my direction. Obviously, he can see the closeness between Starfire and I, and obviously, he doesn't like it. But, he keeps mum and takes another gigantic bite of pizza, still competing against Cyborg.

This is so unlike her, and it's making me nervous, making me... apprehensive. With Beast Boy right there, I feel guilty as her hand rubs my legs. I bite my lip. What can I say? I mean, it's no secret that Starfire and I have a past, but... right now? She has to do this right now?

"Y-Yeah, I'm feeling a bit better..."

For the first time in the entire night, I look him square in the eye and scream in my head as loud as I can: _Make her stop._

He looks back at me and can tell something is wrong. Having his attention, I dart my eyes to my lap, hoping, just begging, that he'll look under the table and see what Starfire is doing. But he doesn't see because before he can even register what's going on, an explosion erupts next to us, and I lose his attention.

…

Unfortunately, I hate a lot of things in this world: war, defeat, Starfire's pudding of sadness. But the thing that nearly tops my hatred list? An army of Slade's minions. Of course, that's not just me. That could pamper on just about any sane person's parade.

As we all poke our heads out of the rubble of what used to be the pizza parlor, at least thirty of Slade's little robots surround us. You can't see their faces, not that they have any, but they still manage to look menacing what with their narrowed eyes and laser guns.

I look around to make sure all the Titans are alright, and immediately, my heart sinks. I don't see Robin, and neither does anyone else.

"BB! Look for Robin! We'll hold off these guys!" Cyborg instructs, blasting three minions into a building's wall clear across the street. Raven and Starfire fly out of the rubble, and begin attacking, keeping as many minions away from where I dig as possible.

Stupid Robin, stupid, stupid, stupid. He can't stay safe for more than five minutes! I call out his name as gorilla hands pull at large chunks of rock and plaster. I have to find him, I have to, because if I don't...

Finally, I see a green arm sticking out from the rubble and quickly, I wrap my hands around the wrist, pulling Robin out of the destruction. He coughs up a storm for a minute, sawdust and dirt covering him. I can't help but smile at his safety. Or, rather, at the fact that he hadn't been flattened to a flapjack. I wouldn't use the word 'safety' just yet.

"Robin, you're okay," I sigh, standing up and pulling him with me. He brushes the debris off his suit and gives me a thankful smile.

"Thanks, Beast Boy, you saved me..."

His gratitude makes my eyes light up, and my face go hot. I hope it doesn't look as red as it feels.

Cyborg shoots at a minion that was no less than three feet behind us, with a competitive look on his face, "Oh yeah! You two better get in this," he calls over. Is he insane? Robin can't fight. He's been awake for hardly two weeks...

"He has to fight," Raven says from above like she's reading my mind, "He doesn't have a choice."

Robin seems to understand and gives me a reassuring smile before jumping over rocks and chunks of debris, joining the fight. I can't do anything but watch him...

After a moment, I come out of my trance and hop down from the pile myself and join the cause. In the first thirty seconds, I've already taken out three or four minions, knocking them clear across the street, breaking off limbs. I can't say I'm not angry. Slade's ruined the first night that Robin got out of the Tower, the first night the team seemed like a team again. The more I think about it, the more I hate Slade, but then again, who doesn't?

I don't know if it's just me, but after a while, it seems that the number of robots have multiplied by... I can't even guess how many. It's like we're getting nowhere, like they just keep coming at us. More and more show up, and we're slowly losing. I notice I'm getting tired; I can't change form as quickly. I start getting clumsy, tripping over myself. I leave more opportunities for attack, and it's throwing me off balance.

Before I know it, I've got minions coming at me in every direction. I try to change, into something large: a T-Rex, a gorilla, a bear, anything. But I can't. The minions just crowd around me, clawing at me, pulling me down. I kick and punch, but there's too many of them, at least six of seven, and I'm completely defenseless.

I don't know what they're doing, because I don't dare open my eyes, but suddenly, my head starts pounding. I've either been cut, or I'm having a massive stroke. I see blood on the minions hands, my blood. This can't be good. I can't even scream out help. I'm just so tired.

As my eyes flutter closed, I see a caped-crusader running to my rescue, and I see him. He's saving me. My heart jumps in my chest and I close my eyes.

…

"Ow... ow..."

"Hold still."

"Ow, that hurts!"

I can't help but wish that whoever is tampering with my head would quit it. It was bad enough I got cut, and was probably bleeding all over the place. I didn't need them prodding and poking at it.

"If you would sit still, it wouldn't hurt as much!"

I recognize the steely scold, and something about the sound doesn't make me feel so bad.

"I'm sticking up your gash. If can keep in one place for five more seconds, I'll be done."

I obey the orders with only a half-content heart, and sit patiently. I feel painful tugs at my scalp, but I don't say anything to avoid getting scolded again. After a few minutes, Robin sighs.

"There, all done." He throws the needle in the trash by the bed and grabs some bandages from the table next to him. As much as I had insisted I was fine, the other didn't agree and I ended up in the medical chamber. Great, terrific. "Just let me wrap it up, and you can go."

I let Robin bandage me in silence, keeping my eyes away from his. Why was he being so nice to me after the things I said? I mean, I guess they weren't bad, but I know he didn't like them too much. I wouldn't be nice to me. The bandage is torn and fixed in place. Robin smiles.

"See, it wasn't so bad once you stopped flailing all over the place."

He chuckles, and I join him nervously. I don't know why, but neither of us really move. We just sit there, me on the bed, him in the chair. We don't talk, don't look at each other. We just sit there.

After a moment, the silence was broken.

"I was really worried about you."

My heart skips. He's showing interest in me? I must have died when I passed out.

"Well," I say, my feet bouncing against the bed, "I was worried about you, too. You have a habit of getting into little accidents, too."

He nods and it gets quiet again. We stay sitting for a while in silence, and it's not too bad. Silence with Robin isn't awkward or pressuring. It's kind of nice.

Suddenly, he stands up and I feel his hand on my cheek. Without warning, his lips press against mine and my eyes shoot open. The initial shock almost gives me a heart attack, but I close my eyes and enjoy the moment, placing one of my hands on the back of his neck. He pulls away, and it doesn't make me happy.

"Since you wouldn't let me talk to you about what you said, I figured that would clear it up a bit."

He smiles at me and kisses my forehead, heading for the door. I don't know what to say as I watch him leave, but the experience leaves butterflies in my stomach. Raging, zombie butterflies which, in all actuality, might be a good thing.


	7. Low Tide

The long awaited smut has arrived! :D Sorry if it's not as gruesome as some of you like. But, honestly, the first time is never that great, and we're keeping this shit realistic. Long ass chapter, too. Nearly 3000 words. Not sure how many chapters left. Probably won't surpass fifteen, but who knows. I HAVE A PLOT, AND IT WILL FEAST UPON MY MIND UNTIL IT IS COMPLETELY FULFILLED. Anyway, enjoy :3

---James~

* * *

I don't know what ever gave me the idea that Robin wouldn't obsess over Slade like he has in the past, but whatever it was, it was a damn liar. I took a rest after Robin sewed and bandaged me up, thinking he would be around when I got up. Like I said, I don't know what gave me that genius idea, but it was wrong.

After about an hour of sleeping in the medical chamber, I wake up, a throbbing pain in my head. It's really all I can expect. I mean, I _did_ almost split my head in two. Slowly, I pull myself out of the bed and stretch, feeling my back pop in six or seven places. I want nothing more than to see my friends, one Boy Wonder especially. I can't really decide if what had happened was a dream or not. My fingers wander up to my lips and I rub over them slowly. Had he really kissed me?

_Only one way to find out_, I think, and head out of the chamber and to the main room. The halls are silent, dark, with a slight chill. It's not bad, but it wouldn't kill Cyborg to turn up the heat a couple degrees. Rubbing my arms, I walk into the main room to find one three Titans, but he's not the one that I'm really itching to see.

Without a word, I hop over the back of the couch and land next to Cyborg, aimlessly staring at the screen as he flips through the channels. There's really nothing on, and it's annoying Cyborg to death.

"Gamestation's broken," he says, simply with a sad frown on his face. I'm sure, if the circumstances were different, I would be more upset, but it doesn't phase me so much now.

_Click, click, click._

For a Friday afternoon, there really isn't a single thing on television.

"So," I scratch the back of my head, careful not to touch my cut. It's still throbbing, and I don't want to mess it up by scratching at it. Cyborg sighs and passes a channel that he's already been to three times since I sat down.

"Same place he always is when we fight Slade."

"Evidence room?"

I only receive a nod back. I suppose I didn't really expect anything else back. I peer around the room; still no Starfire, no Raven.

"And the girls?"

A smile comes across Cyborg's face like he's found something funny. But I didn't make a joke, so I have no idea what it could have been.

"In bed. You do know what time it is, right?"

I suddenly realize that I don't.

"Just after two in the morning, dude. Rae and Star went to bed hours ago. Star was a little upset with the fact that Robin refused to leave your side while he patched you up, so she stalked off to her room."

My smile falls from my face, and is replaced by a hard, cold expression. I don't dislike Starfire, that's not quite it. It's more complicated than that. I suppose I'm jealous of her, I envy her. I almost wish that sometimes I _was _her. It doesn't take a total buffoon to know that Robin and Star have been... intimate. I mean, just look at them. Starfire's thin, beautiful, with somewhat of a good personality, and Robin... Robin. I can't even describe him without feeling problems in my pants.

Oh, look at that. Too late.

I fake a yawn and stretch in my seat, standing up after a moment. Before all of this change, all of these mix-ups, I used to be nocturnal to the extreme. I'd stay up clear until dawn, playing video games, sneaking out. It wasn't surprising if I didn't turn into until six in the morning, and everyone got used to it. But when Robin had the accident, I never had the urge to go out. I never had the urge to leave my room.

So, it shocked my friends whenever they saw me admit my sleep-deprivation.

"Well, I think I'm going to turn in for the night... morning," I mutter, slumping over and walking around the couch non-nonchalantly. The sooner I can get to bed, the better. As much fun as this day has been, you'd be surprised at how much I'd like to forget it. I don't hate how things have turned out. I just prefer the way they were before over how they are now. It seems that the childhood innocence of the Titans is gone, long gone. Then again, when the majority of the team—excluding me, a kid at a whopping seventeen—is over eighteen. We're not kids anymore, and I suppose that's where the problem lies.

"Hey, B," Cyborg calls just as the doors of the room open, and I step through. "You... gonna be alright?"

I turn around and stare at him, staring at me. If it's one thing I can't do, it's fool Cy. Being around the same people year after year, getting to know each other, sharing your space with them... you get to know them really well. And because of that, I can't really hide anything from them. Not well, at least.

After a moment, I simply nod my head and tap my fingers against the side of my leg, "Yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm awesome." Before he can protest, I continue walking through the door and hold my dry sobs in until I'm sure it's closed.

My room is quiet. Of course, it usually is. The only light that illuminates the room is the blue-green digits on the digital clock sitting on the nightstand. It's enough light for me to change into some reasonable pajamas, shuffle to my bunk, mostly unharmed, climb up the latter, and crash onto the mattress. For some kids my age, having a bunk bed would seem childish and stupid, but it had it's purposes.

There's a knock at the door that shocks me out of sleep. Well, maybe not sleep. You know that state you're in before you fall asleep, but you're still awake? Yeah. It shocks me out of that. I can even start to imagine who it is, but I have a bad feeling at the back of my mind. I hesitate to open the door, but I finally do. All I can do it stare at him.

"Robin?" I ask, wincing at the light from the hallway and scratching at my head, "You know that it's like... almost three in the morning, right?"

He doesn't seem to care, because all he can do is stare at me, just as I do at him. After a few seconds he looks away, to our feet, and I do the same. I bite my lip; I don't know what to say. Thankfully, he breaks the silence.

From behind his back, he reveals a helmet. It's not his, but a spare. It glows in the light from behind him, shining a deep black. My heart skips a beat and I bite my lip a little too hard. A smile falls across his lips and he cocks an eyebrow.

"Want to go for a ride?"

…

He doesn't tell me where we're going, or how long we'll be gone. I'm tired, and my body aches, as well as my mind. I can't keep my eyes open for longer than a few seconds and sleep is calling my name.

I don't dare wish to be anywhere besides on the back of that motorcycle, my arms wrapped around his stomach and my protected head between his shoulder blades.

Jump City at night isn't as exciting as everyone seems to think it is. Hardly anyone is out, so the streets are pretty clear, which gives Robin the advantage of speeding. I'm not afraid, which surprises me. Must be who I'm with, huh?

The sun isn't quite on the horizon when we reach the beach, but it's slowly peeking over. Robin turns off the bike and kicks up the stand. He looks over his shoulder with a smile, but I don't want to let go. I just want to hold on, if only for a little while longer.

"It's okay, Beast Boy. You can let go," he utters words of reassurance.

With a small sniff, I nod, "I know."

When I finally let go, Robin stands off the bike, helping me off as well. He removes his helmet, then mine, and sets them in the sand. For a while, we just stand there, looking at each other, at the ground, at the ocean. After what feels like forever, I feel his fingers lifting my chin, then his lips on mine. It's not forced, and it's not rough. It's sweet and gentle, and it's the best thing ever.

"Let's walk," he says, and takes my hand.

Our shoes come off, and we play in the sand with our toes as we sit, just close enough for the tide to wash over our feet. I don't know what it is, but something just feels right. Something makes me never want to leave. I could just about live on this beach with Robin forever, and I wouldn't care what anyone else said. But that wasn't possible.

Our fingers interlink, and we scoot closer together, by instinct. I lean my head against his shoulder, and he rests his head on mine. It's perfect, really, for lack of a better word.

"I know why you avoided me when I woke up," he says out of the blue, his fingers tightening around mine.

"Oh?" I chew on the inside of my cheek. I'm nervous, I won't lie. This is all new territory and the last thing I want to do is get lost and die. "You think so?"

"I know so," he says and kisses the top of my head, "And I can't blame you."

"I told you things I never would have told you if you'd been awake."

He turns to me, staring at me intently. "Tell me now."

"R-Robin, I can't..."

"It's simple. Just say the words."

My lips purse and I take my hand away to write in the sand. At first, it just starts out as pointless scribbles. But the scribbles soon turn into our names, and I look into his eyes, or what I can see of them, and take a deep breath.

"I love you."

We just look at each other for a few seconds, before he leans over and we connect again, the kiss feverish and needing. I can't deny him, and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. It's the closest I've been to someone, and I'm glad it's Robin.

Before I know it, I'm looking up at him as he pulls my shirt over my head and tosses it off in the sand. He kisses my jaw, my neck, my chest... my stomach. It doesn't really occur to me that we're in public, not that anyone would see us anyway, but I still try to stifle my noises. I don't think he likes it too much.

"Beast Boy," he whispers against my lips and runs his hands down my stomach, sending shock waves all over me, "Tell me what you need..."

The answer is simple, and I can't get it out fast enough. "I need you."

It's like I grant him permission to explore the new territory, like he's fucking Christopher Columbus, but who am I kidding? It's not like I want him to stop.

I can only feel the heat gravitate towards the holy spot, and I just wish it would be taken care of. And not just by anyone. Then I realize...

"Robin," I grab what I can of his tight shirt and pull it towards me, inches away from his lips, "Clothes... you're wearing too many."

He laughs at this and begins to undress himself until he matches me: nothing but pants. God, I hate pants.

I shuffle around, trying to kick off my boxers, and he seems to take a hint, pulling them down and off. The cold air just about kills me, and Robin can't do anything but laugh at me. Or with me, but I'm not laughing. He kisses my stomach, getting lower and lower with every placing of his pale lips until he's there. I mean, _right there_. No one has ever been there before. Ever.

And when I feel his lips around me, it's one of the most amazing things ever. To keep from crying out, I bite down on my fingers, like that's going to stop me. I look down at him, his eyes on me. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm supposed to be embarrassed. However, I'm not, and can't keep from bucking my hips skyward.

He plants a kiss at the tip before reaching back up to me, mostly because I'm pulling on his shirt, and kissing me again. I don't get over the initial shock, and every time is like the first.

"Robin..." I whimper against him, and I can't take it anymore. I simply can't.

He takes the hint, and slides out of his pants, taking his boxers with them. It flashes rapidly and wildly in my mind that, HEY. HEY, WE'RE NAKED ON THE BEACH. ON THE BEACH. WHERE ANYONE AND EVERYONE THAT WANTS TO SEE US CAN. But I don't care. And I don't pretend to. I wrap my arms around Robin's shoulders and close my eyes, bracing for impact, so to speak. He murmurs something that sounds like an apology, and I feel him entering.

I swear to God, I'm splitting in half.

I wish I could say it feels magical and wonderful and _good._ But it doesn't. It hurts like Hell, and I can't do anything but cry out, burying my face into his chest. Tears pour out, and I feel bad. He pulls out and I feel empty. Not so much in the literal sense, but in the sense that even though it hurt—and holy shit, did it hurt—Robin was supposed to be there. And it only felt right that he resume his position.

"Go back," I beg to him against his skin.

"But Beast Boy, I'll hurt—"

"Just go!"

And he does, and it hurts, I won't lie. But after a while, it starts to feel good. And I mean, really, really _good_. After I stop feeling like I'm splitting down the middle, it doesn't last long, but I don't care. I moan out to him, and he to me, and it's like we're all alone, only with each other.

After what feels like forever, it gets really warm. On the inside, on the outside, and I know it's over. Already, it's over. But for some reason, as we lie there, Robin on top of me and me clinging to him for dear life, I know it doesn't matter how long it lasted. It matters that it happened.

The tide washes over us, covering us like a blanket, then disappears, leaving us bear to the world. It's the best feeling I've had in forever. In all of forever.

"Beast Boy?"

"Hm?"

I feel his lips against my cheek and I smile, "I love you too," he says, and I wish now that I'd known then how bad this was about to turn.


	8. Morning After

So, internet's been down for a while, so I haven't been motivated to write as much. To make up for it, two new chapters. Enjoy them. :3

---James~

* * *

I wake up around noon, and the first thing that runs through my mind: I had sex with Robin. And as subtle as that sounds out loud, it sounds about a million times more shocking and unbelievable in my head. I mean, who's to say that it wasn't just another wet dream?

It occurs to me that I'm not even sure how I got back into my bed. The last thing I remember—besides the incredible sex—was riding back to the Tower on the back of Robin's R-cycle. I have absolutely no recollection of stumbling back into the Tower, and to my room, where I apparently passed out.

Either way, it's time to get up.

I throw on new clothes, because in the event that this morning really did play out the way I think it did, I didn't want to be itching sand out of my shorts all day. Believe it or not, I don't wear my uniform the majority of the time. A simple white shirt and a pair of jeans is just fine, and that's what I settle on.

As the door of my bedroom closes behind me, I can't decide where in the Tower I should go. Usually of a morning—or afternoon, depending on when I drag myself out of bed—I head up to the main room, where most of the Titans hang about, but today, I'm being pulled to _his _room. I'm not sure that's a good thing.

The odds of him even being in there are slim. I mean, just because he took a couple of hours away from his obsession of catching Slade to spend a little time with me, doesn't mean he didn't go straight back to it whenever we got home. But, I figure, what harm can it do?

A lot, that's what.

As I make my way down the hallway to Robin's room, I notice Starfire turning around the corner, her head hung low. She's upset, clearly, but about what is a mystery. She looks up as I get closer and sniffs, avoiding eye contact.

"Good morning, friend," she mutters, then continues to walk, not stopping to talk to me. Instantly, I wonder if Robin told her about this morning on the beach. I pray to God that he didn't. It's not that I'm ashamed about what happened. It's that it's not really anyone's business but Robin's and mine. I don't think I'd really feel comfortable with the entire world knowing that the head of our team took me out for a wild night by the ocean and just happened to fuck me. Call me crazy, but that was personal.

I reach Robin's bedroom door and hesitate. To knock, or not to knock, that's the goddamn question. It doesn't take Shakespeare to know that you're tossing a coin when it comes to getting to Robin on a good note. I mean, you'd think after the last twelve or so hours, I wouldn't be afraid of catching him at a bad time, but the truth is, I know Robin's mannerisms. And I knew them before the accident. I highly doubt that one night of fooling around has changed them much, especially when it comes to Slade. Robin is a freak with Slade.

I take a deep breath and rap my knuckles on the door. I stand there for a few seconds, waiting for a response. When I don't get one, I knock again, louder. After a few more seconds, the door opens and...

"Starfire, I really don't want to this right no—oh. Beast Boy. It's you."

Don't sound so enthused.

"Yeah, it's just me. I... just wanted to..." I stop, because it occurs to me that I have no good reason to be at Robin's door, taking away his precious time. I don't know why I feel so spiteful about being near him, but I do. And I shouldn't.

After a moment, he takes my hand and pulls me closer. "Come inside," he mutters, and I obey. Mostly because I don't have a mind not to. To be honest, I've never really been in Robin's bedroom, and the few times that I have, it's always been different.

This time, it's similar to how it was the first time I ever saw it. His bed rests in the corner, and a desk sits up against the wall. Papers are scattered everywhere, and I swear I can see Slade's mask in the corner, but it's too dark. He grasps both my hands in his and we're close. I can feel him in the close proximity and the only thing I want to do is be even closer. I almost need it.

But something inside tells me not to follow my desires, and it's all I can do to listen to it.

He rests his forehead against mine, our noses touch. Our breathing intermingles and I want to give up. I want to kiss him and tell him I love him over and over again until I'm content. But I don't. I can't. And I don't know why. I bite down on my lips to restrain myself from my actions, from my words, and he notices.

"Beast Boy," he murmurs in the dim light. I can only barely see him, and he's right in front of me. His voice is laced with worry, concern, and it breaks me. "Is everything alright?"

No. Everything is not alright.

"Everything is..." I stumble for the right word, but I can't find it, "fine." I pull my hands from his and let my arms drape around his neck. He wraps himself around me, and he's warm. He's comfortable. He's safety. I never want to leave.

"Don't lie..." he whispers in my ear, and I almost can't hear him, it's so soft. It's soft because he wants me to listen. I swallow and bury my eyes in the crook of his neck, everything growing dark. I could fall asleep in his arms what with the heat, the darkness, and the content feeling.

"Tell me you love me, and mean it," I can barely push the words out. My face flushes, I can feel it. I can't decide if I'm embarrassed or ashamed.

He waits a moment, like he's shocked or something, then I feel his embrace around me tighten so that our chests are touching. A shiver runs down my spine, and I can hardly contain myself. I have to fight the urge to just throw us onto the bed and reenact our actions from this morning. I put up a pretty lousy fight.

"Beast Boy, you know that I lov—"

Just then, the room fills with light, and we both jump out of our skin. We separate quickly, and turn to the doorway. My first guess is that it's Starfire, and that sends my heart racing, but when I get a good look at the silhouette, and my eyes adjust, I see that's it's merely Raven.

But that doesn't mean I'm not a little ticked that our moment was shipwrecked. Shipwrecked like the fucking Titanic. If looks could kill, Raven would be in one very unfortunate predicament.

She simply clears her throat and apologizes.

"What is it, Raven?" Robin asks. Something about the stressed tone in his voice is somewhat relieving. Knowing that he's just as happy as I am that we were bombarded sends me a little comfort. Just a little.

With an alarmed stare at us, Raven mutters, "We've found a lead."

I see Robin's eyes light up and all I can think is, no. No, we can't have a lead, because now he'll be obsessed and he won't even bother to look at me, and he'll leave and he'll get hurt, and I'll lose him. Again.

"On who?" he says in a grave tone, his eyes narrowing. It's not a question.

"...You have to ask?"

Answer to that question is no. No one had to ask, because everyone knew that Slade had finally decided to show his godforsaken face, and now we had to deal with him. Really, could he have picked a better time? So, I'm a little spiteful, but anyone would be. Especially in this situation. Damn Slade and stupid evildoer habits.

Raven leads us to the main room where Cyborg's fingers are flying all over the keyboard and screen, pinpointing different locations, different profiles, different everything. I was never good with that techy stuff, and I'm still not. Starfire hovers over his shoulder, her eyes darting back and forth at what he clicks on. She doesn't look at us when we walk into the room.

Cyborg turns, though, with a serious look plastered on his face. "We found him."

"Yeah, but where?" Robin asks, abandoning my side and trotting over to Cyborg. Raven looks back at me and gives me a small smile. Something tells me that she understands my problem, and I appreciate her a little more from just that one gesture. If she knows the details, it's clear she doesn't plan on telling anyone. Then, she too walks over to the front of the room and joins the rest of them. I suppose I should too. I keep my distance, but I step forth, crossing my arms in dislike.

"You're not gonna like it," Cyborg says, still fidgeting with things on the scream. He looks at Robin with a stressed smile, "Gotham City."

"What is _Slade_ doing in _Gotham_?"

Cyborg shrugs, and Raven pulls her hood down, revealing her also stressed expression. "It's hard telling why he's there. But we have a pretty solid lead that he is in fact there, and he's waiting for you." Raven shrugs slightly when Robin's expression turns confused.

"What gives you the impression he's waiting for me?"

It's silent for a minute before I decide to throw in my two cents. "It's Slade, Robin."

It seems to be a good enough reason to everyone, but their eyes stick to me a little longer than I feel comfortable with. I'm glad when they look away. Robin sighs, and scratches his head. He's trying to make a decision. Probably who he'll take to Gotham with him, because it's obvious he's going.

"Well, we'll have to go to Gotham. Or, at least some of us will."

Bingo.

"Someone will have to stay behind and hold down the fort," Cyborg muses, and the girls nod in agreement. I figure my best bet would be to just volunteer to stay behind, because it doesn't take a genius to know Robin's going to make me anyway. But I don't always have my best interest in mind, now do I?

"Who?" I ask, looking at all of them. I don't make direct eye contact with Starfire like I do with the rest of them. It just feels too weird. It stays silent, and they all keep their eyes on me. I can see the wheels turning in their mind. Sure, Beast Boy isn't weak by any means, but he's surely not the strongest, and there's no real reason to have him tag along. Plus, someone has to stay behind and guard the Tower in case of attack and blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, and more bullshit.

You know, I'm not a weakling, and there have been plenty of times where I've proved such. They just forget... all the time.

I sigh. I don't even want to fight about this, so I just roll my neck around in a circle and let it rest against my shoulder, "Fine, I'll stay. But who's staying with me?"

I try my best not to have a fucking cow. The three of them look at Star, who just nods in response without arguing. So, essentially, for however long their in Gotham, I'm going to stuck with Starfire. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Starfire. She's one of my really good friends, but whether she's aware of it or not, things between her and I are about to get mega awkward. To the extreme. Call me weird, but I don't want to be around that.

But I don't have a choice.

"Right," Robin says in that leader tone that really gets me, "We'll leave in the morning."

After three years of this shit, I'm pretty sure I hate my job. With his tone of finality, Robin dismisses the team, and they all flock off to attend to certain matters. Cyborg and Raven go off to pack, I'm sure, and Starfire... well, when she leaves the room, she doesn't look anywhere but her feet. It only makes me wonder even more what she and Robin talked about earlier today.

Robin is several feet behind the rest of them, but he's slowly making his way from the room. Not without a fight, I think.

"Robin," I call to him a little louder than really necessary, but I'm not playing around here, and I want him to know that. Maybe I'm overreacting a little with this whole thing. I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of friends around the world that bang and don't say two words about it. But I don't want to be that kind of friend, not with Robin. I didn't go through the six months of self-analyzation just to give him up once I achieved the goal of telling him the results that came back from said analyzation. I'm not going to watch him just walk away from me.

He stops and turns on his heels. I can't decipher his expression, and it bothers me. It bothers me really, really bad. It reminds me of the two and half weeks we spent not talking to each other when he first woke up. I don't want to go back to that, ever. I can't now. "What is it, Beast Boy?"

He seems genuinely curious, like he has no idea what would possibly be on my mind. What is it? Oh, you know, I just wanted to talk to you about an absolutely _hilarious_ column I saw in the funnies today. No. Has he already forgotten that no less than fifteen minutes ago, he was about to tell me he loved me? Sure, he said it on the beach this morning, but... it's always nice to hear it.

Suddenly, I don't feel like sharing my feelings, or picking back up where Raven interrupted. It feels ruined, and once a moment is ruined, I personally don't feel like shocking it back to life. I kick my feet back and forth for a second, trying to come up with a good excuse, and when I've finally got one, I look up to speak. However, I forget when Robin's expression because very... apparent. His eyebrows are crossed down and his eyes narrowed like I'm wasting his time. He taps his foot against the floor impatiently and crosses his arms. My heart rises into my throat, and my stomach drops a million feet. I can barely spit out a simple, "Never mind," before I start to choke on the lump in my throat.

With a small sigh, Robin nods and turns back to his original route, pursuing his mission. He's gone within a few seconds, and I'm left alone in the large, gaping room. Heh, it never looked this big until now. I don't know how long I stand there, but it's a while. Long enough for the large doors to whoosh open and for Raven to walk into the room. Her sudden presence shocks me out of my funk, and I shake my head.

"Beast Boy," she asks with a puzzled tone, "Have you been in here since earlier, by yourself?"

I can't speak, so I just nod.

"...Are you alright?"

I sigh and head for the door, "Just awesome."


	9. Sleep With Me

Okay, okay. Calm down. I'll get chapter ten up sooner or later. Anyone want some amazing Robin on BB sex? ;D

---James.

* * *

I knew it was only a matter of time before he slipped up and showed us were he's been hiding. And now that we know, we can go after him. We can catch him, lock him up, and this time, for good. Preparations for the haul out to Gotham aren't easy. There's packing, navigating, just simply getting there, but I'm sure, almost certain, we can do it.

Cyborg patches up the T-car so we can drive non-stop to New York. I don't want to take the risk of stopping and falling victim to one of Slade's tricks, or anyone else's, for that matter. We're going out with one objective, and I'll do anything to make sure we meet it.

I decide to pack light, not that I'd need a lot anyway. I stuff a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt into a knapsack, as well as a pair of socks, and toss it onto my bed. We won't leave until morning, but my nerves are end. On fire, really. I can feel the anxiety and anticipation running through my veins and I just want to fight. I want to prove to Slade that he can't win. Not against me, and not against the Titans. He will go down, hard. And I'll personally make sure he doesn't get back up.

With all this... aggressive thinking, I'm shocked when I hear a knock against my door. I instantly hope it's not Starfire again. I really don't want to repeat this morning. It was a pointless exchange, really. It wasn't my fault I was thrown into a coma all willy nilly, and it's definitely not my fault that she doesn't feel close to me anymore. I have nothing to do with that. Suddenly, I feel a pang in my chest, like my heart is trying to break free from my ribs. It's an odd feeling, and familiar, but the second knock on the door keeps me from thinking too much about it.

When I answer the door, I cool down a bit, seeing that it's only Raven. But I can't relax too much when I look at her face. Her expression, what I can see of it behind her concealing hood, looks serious, like she's got something important on her mind. She pulls her hood down onto her shoulders and stares bluntly at me, not faltering for a single second. "May I come in?" she asks, quietly, and I know this is a private matter.

I step aside and let her enter the room, not that I could say no, anyway. As odd as it seems to the people who actually know, Raven and I are close. Not that kind of close, but brother and sister close, if you have to put a name to it. All the Titans are like family to me, but there's something about Raven that I can always count on, good days or bad days. Life or death.

"What is it, Raven?" I ask, walking into the room and leaning against the desk. Slade's mask stares roughly at me in the corner and I can feel it watching with it's hollow eyes. I snatch a pillow off the bed and pass it nonchalantly over to the spot, covering it's gaze. It only halfway helps.

"Did you notice him?" she asks, looking at me from under her eye lashes. My mind goes blank, and I don't understand.

I think for a moment. "Notice who?"

She gives me a look that resembles one she'd give me if I'd asked my own name. She holds her hand out, measuring up at about five feet, "About this tall, total loudmouth, green. Can't really miss him."

I cock my head and bite my lip in thought.. Why would I be concerned with Beast—oh. I suddenly feel like a total jackass. Not just a normal level, either, but five times that. How could I forget about him? This morning, and then this afternoon... how could I not remember something like that? How could it slip my mind?

I sigh and rub my forehead roughly, jogging my memory. "No, I didn't. But I should have. What did I miss?"

I feel terrible, like I've misplaced something important, and now all I can do is wait for the punishment that follows. Great. Simply perfect. I wonder to myself if he's mad at me for not paying him any attention. I wonder if he still plans on talking to me. It wouldn't be the first time he took an oath of silence against me with just about every right.

Raven shuffles to my side and lifts herself onto the desk to sit on it. I face her, crossing my arms. She shrugs and gives me a stare that could very well be looking into my soul, which she has a tendency of doing to people.

"He didn't look... good," she said, "This afternoon, whatever I interrupted on, I'm almost positive he had that on his mind. Have you mentioned it to him since then?"

Truth is, I haven't. It hasn't even crossed my mind for a second, and that's my mistake. A really, really bad one. I feel guilty, like my heart just turned to stone. Forgetting something like this, it wouldn't surprise me if I suddenly had that terrible ability. My stomach feels like it's filled with lead, and I swear I feel sick. I take a deep breath and shake my head, taking a seat on the corner of my bed. I rub the palms of my heads over my face, and make a note to mentally beat the shit out of myself when I don't have Raven's prying eyes looking over me. "I haven't. It... didn't even cross my mind."

It's silent for a second before Raven says in a quiet tone, "Well, before we leave tomorrow morning, it wouldn't be a terrible idea to bring it up to him." She hops down from the desk and readjusts her hood onto her head as she walks to the door. She stops just before she gets there and passes me a sympathetic look, "I'm not great with these things, Robin, but Beast Boy really cares for you. And you should be very, very careful with that." I swear I hear her add, _Don't hurt the poor guy_, but I don't see her lips move.

I nod a thanks and smile weakly up at her, "You're not the first to tell me that."

Returning the smile half-heartedly, she says, "And I won't be the last, I assure you," before leaving my room silently and leaving me to my thoughts and concerns.

I was so geared up about taking down Slade, piece by piece. I was ready to thrust myself into battle without a single care besides showing him what he had in store with me. But now, I can only think of one person. The little green teenager at the end of the hall that I made love to this morning.

…

Honestly, I'm trying not to take this personally. I know how Robin gets with Slade, and it's not like I shouldn't expect him to get into total obsession mode when he finally turns up. But for some reason, this time, it caught me off guard. For some reason, I thought Robin would still take an interest in his personal life, but clearly, I'm crazy. He told me once that "we're heroes, we don't have personal lives," and I have a sickening feeling that he's right. Isn't he always?

I can't even begin to imagine how long he'll be in Gotham with Cyborg and Raven. You know, I don't usually question Robin's tactics, but to me, it seems like getting some guys from Titans East to come babysit the Tower would seem a little more reasonable than making Star and I stay behind. What if someone, or something, attacks? What are an alien and shape-shifter going to do when a fifty million pound pile of rocks causes trouble, or a giant glob of acidic goo gets loose around the city? And, not to mention the fact that Cinderblock and Plasmas aren't even close to the top of our Tough Bad Guys list. I don't even want to think about someone more powerful than those two attacking us. Oh, starbolts and a fucking eagle. Real scary, let's retreat.

Though, things could be worse. Things could be a _lot_ worse, so really, I'm just complaining over spilled milk.

I lay on the bottom bunk of my bed and pick at the mattress above me. Sadly, all I can think about is how badly I want to get up and go talk to him, to make things right. But I know that I'll just get in his way. He's probably off preparing for the cross-country trip that he plans on trying to accomplish in just three days, worrying about what he's going to do once he gets there. Me being all up in his space isn't going to calm him down. It would probably just send him even more deeper into his frustration.

But I can't stand it any longer in here. I throw myself off the bed and slip into a light jacket. I don't know where I plan to go, but anywhere at this point is better than the Tower. The atmosphere in this place is too thick to even think. Besides, a little walking never killed anyone.

I pass the garage on my way out and let Cyborg know where I'm going: out.

"When do you think you'll be back, B?" he asks with a small, unhappy look on his face, "Thought we could maybe hit a few rounds on the Gamestation before we leave tomorrow." Leave it to Cyborg to always find a way to brighten up my mood.

I throw him a smile and nod, "Sounds awesome. I'll be back before it gets too dark."

And with that, I leave the tower, and fly my way across the water. My feet in the dock hard, and for a second I lose my balance. I steady myself and look around the harbor. Some party. It's completely deserted except for a single boat at the very last pier. I hope the city isn't that unoccupied.

Thankfully, it isn't, and I blend into the crowds around me. I didn't bother to check the time before I left, and I wasn't really into wearing watches, but I figured it was sometime around six o' clock, give or take thirty minutes. With it being mid-October, it'll get dark soon. So much for alone time.

I know the park will be closing soon, but I head there anyway, and submerge myself in the tree-lined sidewalks. I could easily spend the night up in a tree as a squirrel, a bird, but the more I thought about it, the more I really had my heart set on whopping Cy's butt in Gamestation. Plus, being out late without an excuse for the team wasn't a great idea. It was something all of us used to do a lot, but every since... well, you know, none of us do that anymore. It worries everyone, and when the rest finally find you, no one really has good words to say to you.

With a sigh, I collapse on one of the park benches. I'm tired suddenly, and I don't know why, because I haven't actually done anything. Unless you count this morning's midnight rendezvous, I've basically been a bum all freaking day.

Just when I think I've nearly fallen asleep on the bench, I hear the screws in the seat creak as added weight is applied next to me. I open an eye to see who my new bench buddy is, and inhale quickly when I finally register who it is through the slowly growing darkness.

"Hey, Robin," I murmur, sitting up a little straighter, and keeping my eyes towards the ground, "All packed up and ready to go for the trip to New York?"

He doesn't say a word, but I can feel his eyes on me, and after a moment, I feel him scoot closer. Part of me just wants to submit and forget that I'm supposed to be sort of mad at him, but another part of me, the clearly more stubborn side, wants to keep him at an arm's length and make him "pay" for this afternoon. It should be pretty obvious which side has a better chance of winning.

"Beast Boy, about earlier... I didn't mean to—"

I shake my head, "It's okay, man. Don't worry about it. I completely understand. Slade gets your attention first, 'cause of him being a total homicidal psycho and what not. I get that."

He just stares at me and places a warm hand on my knee. Instinctively, a zip my jacket up a little farther, trying to seize my shivers. After a moment, I let my hand rest on his. "You know it's not like that..."

I nod. "I know."

I'm not sure he can get any closer, but he does, and I can feel the warmth of his body radiating off of him. It's intoxicating, and I can barely keep myself from diving into the comfort of his arms. But I sustain myself just long enough to look him in the eyes.

"I don't want to take anything away from you..."

He scoots back a little, like he's shocked, and his hand tightens around my knee, "Beast Boy, what could you possibly be taking away from me?"

I swallow hard, "I know about you and Starfire. I know you two have a past." It kills me to say it out loud, to admit it. The words fill my mouth with a bad taste, and I want it to go away.

Silence.

"That's exactly what it is," Robin whispers into my hear, "A past." Before I can say anything in response, his lips are on mine, and just like the first time, it's amazing. I let my arms wrap about him, and he allows himself to do the same. We sit there and simply absorb each other for what seems like forever. I don't open my eyes until we break away, and by that time, I see that the sky is almost pitch black.

"We should get going," I say, and kiss his lips quickly. "You need sleep before you leave tomorrow."

I start to stand up, but before I can get too far, he wraps his fingers gently around my wrist and pulls me back onto the bench, his eyes connecting to mine. I turn to him and stare. He reaches up and brushes the lanky hair out of my eyes and kisses my forehead, "Sleep with me."

I'm taken aback at first, lost for words, but after a moment, I nod. I promise him I will, after I totally kill Cyborg's virtual butt.


End file.
